SPEAKFIVE

Relationships are like music playing.

2009-12-14T19:41:00.011-05:00

I have a musician friend with a 17 piece orchestra who play mostly jazz, big band sound and blues. All members of his band are music enthusiasts and play for the joy of playing what they like and brings joy to their heart.

About a year ago I went to the local library to pick up a book and as I exited the building I heard the unique big band sound. I retraced my steps and asked the employee manning the desk of the cultural center what that was all about and she said: Route 55 is rehearsing tonight as they always do on Monday nights. I should mention that the library and the cultural center of this progressive town are enclosed in the same building, very smart, don't you think?

I went to the area where they were playing and asked the director if I could watch them play. He was very gracious and invited me to sit down and listen to their practice. Ever since that time I became the 18th member of the band, they adopted me and I became their most enthusiastic supporter. I usually come to see them play almost every Monday night.

I should tell you that I don't play an instrument or read music, but I compensate that with a passion for the kind of music they play. The other night as I was listening I started to pay attention to the musical notes written on their sheet and I got the idea that music playing is very much like relationships.

Before they play a tune they have a written agreement of how this is going to sound, where to begin and stop, -the intervals between notes-, and when mistakes are made the director intervenes and gives direction to the players without emotional conflict. They enjoy the process and are totally committed to the final outcome.

I said that relationships are like music playing, what I should have said that relationships should be like music playing. Unfortunately, some relationships do not have an agreement on how the score should be played, how to play in harmony and respect for the other member of the band, how to resolve differences about how they play their tune. Above all, are the members playing with the intensity and passion that is required to play this song? Are they serious about the commitment to finish the playing?.

Maybe I got all wrong, but I think that sometimes we start playing the music without a written score, so we lack the necessary agreements on how to deal with the little mistakes that happen while playing the music.

Do you have an agreement on how you and the other members of the band are supposed to play the music and complete it to the very end?.

PASSION, do you still feel it?

2009-08-29T08:36:00.006-04:00

What is passion? The Dictionary gives us many definitions. For me, it is the excitement I feel when I am on track of the emotions connected with something I love, someone I am connected with, the dream I want to achieve, the one thing I want so bad that I start shaking when I think about it.

What does passion mean to you? Are you still passionate about something, someone, the dream you had, the company you wanted to start? Do you feel the same passion or has it changed? When did the music stop playing?

I see businesses spiraling down--where the owners and employees don't care about the customer anymore. I see couples who are still married, but the spark is not there, staying together because of the fear of ending something that used to be fun, of the financial loss, fear of leaving the little they have left. Partners who distance themselves and have lost the vision and passion for the entrepreneurial spirit.

If the passion is no longer there, what do we do? Hum, that's a tough one--because each case is different. I think that if the passion has diminished, we have two possible ways to repair the flame. One, facing the fact and do whatever is necessary to find the lost feeling about the relationship or partnership--to rekindle the fire. The other one, is to realize that you and your partner have grown so far apart that the best possible answer is to end it. Life is too short.

Some couples decide to stay together and live as friends, but no longer partners. Each one doing what they need to do and sometimes finding someone to create a new passion. Someone to provide what is missing in the partnership. I am not trying to be judgemental, been there, done that.

Can we find passion again? Absolutely, go deep inside of your soul and remember what you have forgotten. The one thing that got you excited day and night. Maybe it is time to go back and track down the boy or girl who made shake all over. The one who used to complete your sentences--when time did not exist when you two were together.

Life is about choices. Are you up to it?

Our thinking creates our reality---how I fell in love with Chicago, again.

2009-08-19T16:21:00.011-04:00

I was in the Chicago area sometime in June of this year, I decided that I wouldn't go back. Too many painful memories.

Saturday, August 15th was my birthday. I made up my mind to go back and celebrate it. But this time was different, I went back with a different mind set, a had a set of concrete plans. I had an assignment given to me by my spiritual partner and mentor. She said: I want you to go and come back with five new positive experiences or rediscovering old ones.

This is what experienced: I saw a friend from NC playing with his old band in Chicago, that was different. I had my son and his best friend with me. We had a great time and drank lots of beer, what am I saying, I don't even like beer.

I watched the water and air show from my nephew's yacht parked right on from of the magnificent Chicago skyline. We reconnected with old friends, way back then, when I first arrived in Chicago. I met new ones. Terry and Don, were gracious to share their lives with me and we discovered that we are like-minded individuals believing in the power of our minds and how to use it.

I went back to the Planetarium and Shedd aquarium, nothing new, except that I saw them with a new sense of gratitude, being there, talking to a great friend (cel phone) and watching the skyline from a different angle was overwhelming.

While I was at the Planetarium I met a young man (Chris) who shared with me in a brief moment his sadness about his father and a desire to grow spiritually and change his environment. All that happened in a brief moment, because when the student is ready the teacher will appear.

There were others along the path who impacted my life: There was Chris--the thirteen year old boy, who speaks with the maturity of a thirty year old man. We spent two hours in the plane to Chicago talking about life, his vision and the tenacity to make it happen. Thank you Chris.

There was Ralphie: The young entrepreneur who I met while waiting for his business to open to have my son's car detailed. We talked about life, how to turn around our lives by changing the way we think. He has a great future ahead of him.

On my way back, I met a bright, friendly young female executive who provided us with the opportunity to share our thoughts, dreams and the rare experience of sharing our lives with a total stranger, thank you Lisa.

I can say that my trip was magical, people showed up from nowhere to connect with me, the parking lot spaces were there when I needed them. My partner laughs at me when I say that, she forgets that when she is driving on the highway, she has a bodyguard of cars, making sure that her space is open and safe. The interesting fact about my going back to Chicago was that it was the same Chicago, what was different is the way I chose to see it, beautiful, vibrant, friendly people willing to interact with me and share their stories and their visions for the future.

Let me finish this rambling with a story I heard some time ago. "A stranger from a big city arrived at a small town and decided to talk to two old timers sitting in the front porch of the general store. He asked: Hey, old timer, are people friendly in this town? The old gentleman took a puff from his pipe and slowly answered him: The people from where you come from, are they friendly? The stranger, replied: NO, they are nasty and not friendly at all. The old timer said: Well, in that case I suggest that you go to the next town, because you are going to find out that the people here are the same as the ones you left behind."

How do you "see" the world? Is it friendly? Or do you see it as your enemy?

It is not what happens to us, but what we choose to do with it.

2009-08-13T12:33:00.008-04:00

My life was changed for ever in December 2007. My partner of 22 years chose to end her life. We all know that eventually we will die and we expect it, not necessarily embracing the idea, but it is a fact. Suicide is a different experience.

My friends ask me what happened, I don't understand it myself. Sometimes we don't know what is happening in the mind of our closest friend and lover. The fact is that it happened. The impact of an event like that affects not only the family but friends and colleagues. Suicide brings many issues not usually encountered in normal death. There are some issues: guilt, anger, confusion, sense of abandonment, etc. and it takes time and acceptance to deal with them.

Some people (the ones left behind) never recover from a painful and shocking blow to the spirit. Others, try to deal with it in a passive way, hoping that time will take care of the pain.

For a while I lost myself in the process of understanding what and how it happened, trying to find answers. I became a zombie-like, not eating or even remembering where I had been in the last five minutes. Most well intended people say: I can imagine what you are going through. No can do, you can't imagine the personal loss and tremendous blow to another person. Only someone who has suffered a catastrophic loss can understand that.

I could have elected to be a victim for ever and be despondent or to choose to be the best I can be from now on. There are other people who depend on me, I need to be strong to take care of them. I chose to deal with the fact that she ended her life and I had nothing to do with it. I will never forget her, but I have to move on and choose to be happy.

Two things that helped me deal with the pain: the kindness of a few friends -true friends- the ones who stick with you through thick and thin; and practicing acts of gratitude for all the people and things showing up in my daily life. I also have become very much aware of the moment and being generous with everyone who I encounter every day. Sometimes a single hello or taking the time to listen to someone makes all the difference in their lives and mine. The more you give, the more will come back to you. The trick is to do it with total detachment and not expecting anything in return.

Taking personal responsibility for our own mess.

2009-02-28T12:43:00.007-05:00

I talk to a lot people everyday and ask many questions about how they feel concerning the economic crisis affecting our country. This is what I hear: Life sucks, the government is corrupt, they don't care about us, life is not fair, and the list goes on.

So far I have not heard anyone saying: You know, we have to take some of the responsibility for this mess. I have been spending way beyond my revenues or resources, creating debt (the 800 pound gorilla sitting on your shoulders and causing a tremendous amount of fear and stress).

Marriages are breaking up due to the arguments caused by the lack of money to pay the bills. We have failed to save for a "rainy day" and now we blame anyone but ourselves. Of course, there are circumstances out of our control. So, let's stop worrying about things we can't change and concentrate on how we can get out of this crisis. The Chinese language has a symbol with dual meaning: one way spells crisis and the other one opportunity.

The way I see it, this is a wake-up call. We need to change our spending habits, we have become a nation of spenders with instant gratification. If the trinket doesn't love you back, don't buy it. If you already have it, sell it and save the money.

If unemployed, take advantage of this opportunity, go back to school and learn another skill, change careers, get another job in another industry, move to another city. When you are at the bottom of the pit, you have no place to go but up.

Surround yourself with people who see life as a painting canvass, creating their own destiny. Stay away from toxic people, even if they are relatives.

If you are employed and the money is not enough, you have two choices: Create more revenue, cut costs or do both. You can't print money. If you tell me that jobs are hard to find, then explain to me how immigrants have two and sometimes 3 jobs.

Start a think tank with other people to find out what people need and provide it. I always said that you can knock out the competition if: You provide 110 % service to your customer, love what your do, have fun doing it and expect a reasonable profit--because without a profit you can not stay in business. This you can apply to any business. Think out of the box-- something blue, something new. I have a friend who started a business cleaning windows and toilets for small commercial companies and he is doing rather well. He now has three employees. I forgot to tell you that he used to be a Project manager for a computer company.

Above all, be kind to yourself and others. You are not your job. Trust me, there is a way out. But we have to start with ourselves.

Will my life be better because of Mr. Obama

2009-02-16T11:27:00.001-05:00

I am fascinated by the belief of some of people that the new administration has all the answers concerning the present condition of our country. I hear comments from young people thinking that the President and his administration will change their lives for the better. Maybe yes, maybe not.

What I do know is that every morning I have to get up, kick myself on the behind and attempt to do the best I can with my life. The minute that allow myself into believing that someone is going to make it better for me, I have become a co-dependent.

There is certain permeating nagging belief that we are done, that we can't lift ourselves up and that we have seen the best of this country. I disagree, it is up to each one of us to undertake the task of rebuilding this country from the bottom up. We need to start by taking personal responsibility for some of the problems - like borrowing money to buy trinkets which lose value the minute we exit the store, like borrowing money to buy a house we can't afford. It seems to me that this new generation lives from paycheck to paycheck and not saving any money for a "rainy day". I am told that the average couple doesn't have an emergency fund of any kind and if they do, it might be a month or so. The government can print money, we can't.

People ask, "Where is the stimulus money going?" and I say, Where is it coming from?
If we keep spending and borrowing from other countries, eventually we will go bankrupt. Or are we there already?

I may suggest that every morning we get up and ask ourselves this question. "What can I do today to help my country to get back on track? We can't have our President do it by himself. Agree?

Myasthenia Gravis

2009-02-12T13:40:00.000-05:00

Myasthenia who?? That's what I said to the Neurologist when she diagnosed this illness. MG is a chronic neuromuscular, autoimmune disorder that causes varying degrees of weakness involving the voluntary muscles of the body. Most commonly affects the muscles controlling eye movements, eyelids, chewing, swallowing, coughing and facial expression. Muscles that control breathing and movements of the arms and legs may also be affected. At present, the cause of myasthenia gravis is unknown, and there is no cure. I borrowed this information from the Myasthenia Gravis Foundation of America, Inc.

I was diagnosed in 2005 when my right eyelid became "droopy" or lazy. For some people this is the first indication. In march of 2008 I developed weakness of the neck, to the point that sometimes during the day I had to support my head with a thumb under my chin. I have had blurry vision, double vision, droopy eyelids (both, but at different times) and neck weakness. Other folks have some of these problems and more. I am happy to say that that as of this time, I am almost back to "normal".

Here is what I am trying to say: If you have some of these symptoms, find a Neurologist familiar with Myasthenia Gravis. It might not be this, but check it anyway. After your doctor confirms this disorder, follow the treatment and find a MG support group. Finding a support group of people who are experiencing this disorder is extremely helpful. The more you know about this disorder and know like-minded people the easier will be.

I live in the Carolinas and found a support group and the local Chapter of the Myasthenia Gravis Foundation. This has made all the difference in the world.

Here is the good news. There is LIFE after MG. You will learn to live with it and manage it. If I can be of any help to you, please let me know. speakfive@gmail.com

Are seminars worthless?

2007-12-06T16:52:00.000-05:00

A couple of weeks ago I went to my hometown (Chicago area) to attend a three-day conference on the exciting subject of how to be filthy rich buying and selling Real Estate. I couldn't refuse the invitation from my son, after all, it wouldn't cost me anything, other than the ticket to fly to Midway Airport in Chicago.

There were successful mentors and practitioners of Real Estate giving presentations on how to make money with Real Estate. There were subjects like: How to make money with pre-foreclosures, how to flip properties, how to rehab properties, how to assign contracts and a myriad of proven strategies. Every presentation invariably was followed with an invitation to attend a future seminar costing from $ 495 to $ 12,000.

Don't get me wrong, these folks are selling what they know best. Strategies that have provided them with very handsome profits. But here is what I have observed time and time again. The apprentice's failure to make a profit with the new acquired knowledge. Why is that? I am sounding like a famous person from 60 minutes.

I think the problem is that we humans attempt to achieve different results with the same thinking process. That's insanity. Before attempting to learn new strategies we should take a seminar to teach us how to think and create a new thought process. We need a mental shift. To "see" new possibilities and believe that they are possible. Jonathan Livingston Seagull said: "To be there, you have to believe that you have arrived." This sounds like a lot of psycho-babble, but that's how successful people have achieved their visions.

Better yet, finding a mentor who can help and guide us to modify the negative and harmful messages in our mind. Only then, we should undertake any new strategy with the firm conviction that it will be a tremendous success.

The silent enemy in your business

2007-10-15T20:03:00.001-04:00

I have a weakness for soup and bread. So am I always looking for restaurants offering fresh soup and bread. I have found a few in my area and sometimes I travel far if I know that the trip will bring a great experience.

Today I stopped at a restaurant that I have visited many times. To my surprise I noticed that very few cars were in the parking lot, even though it was only a little past lunch time. I almost turned around, but having my tasting buds urging me to sample the soup I got out of the car and went in.

I asked what the soup of the days was. No answer. So I went to the soup kettle and read the little sign indicating that the choice of the day was: Vegetable soup. I asked for a cup and paid for it. The soup seemed to be the same quality as before, but I also noticed that the employee's demeanor was not very friendly. He never said hello or thank you.

I also noticed that I was the only customer in the restaurant. There were three employees involved in an animated conversation about sports. On my way out I also noticed that nobody said "Please come back or thank you".

As I sat in my car I could not help but to think that maybe the reason that this restaurant is on its way down is because the employees are contributing to its demise.

So now the business has two enemies: the employees (inside) and me (outside). I have talked extensively about this problem in my previous marketing seminars. Do you think that I would go back? Would I recommend this place? Most likely I will tell my friends and my enemies about the poor quality of this place. NO, I am not vindictive. But I go out of my way to promote business with friendly ambiance and it is only fair that I would do the opposite.

Do you have a business? And if so, do you train your employees? Do you have a manual showing how to greet customers and how to handle situations where the customer is not satisfied?

I can say today is a sad day. One less place to have soup and bread.

Do you know what you want?

2007-09-27T13:06:00.000-04:00

If you read most of the books on the subject of self-help, the majority of them deal with helping you to get what you want. The problem is that most adults don't know what they want. We used to know when we were growing up. If you ask a young child what he or she wants to do when they grow up, most likely they will tell you two or three choices. So what went wrong? I think that in the process of growing up we heard millions of negative comments from our own parents, teachers, siblings, friends and the media.

If you are one of those who had parents or mentors who encouraged you to experiment and follow your dreams, I envy you. Most of my experiences came from trying different approaches, some worked, some failed. It would have been much easier if I had a tested and successful road map. Well, my parents did the best they could with the experience they had.

The cartoon character Pogo said: "I don't know what I want, but I know I haven't got enough." And that's the problem. We are bombarded with tons of information and ideas, but we don't focus on what we want. Nowadays we are plugged in, whether is TV, headphones or the cellular phone. I think that we know what we would like to do, but it is buried in the deep recess of our mind. We are afraid to try, after all, we were told that it wouldn't work, remember?

I just came back from Chicago where I used to live. I love to observe people and couldn't help but to see that most people are in a world of their own, when it's not the headphones, it is the cellular phone. And another thing, it seems that most people are on their way to a non existent fire. Can you spell STRESS?

I can't tell you what to do with your life, but I will tell to find out real quick, life is short. Be happy, live your life like there is no tomorrow, and above all, be awake. Be in the moment.

Doctor, My Doctor, Where Art Thou?

2007-09-10T15:10:00.000-04:00

Have you been to a doctor lately? Have you tried to make an appointment with a specialist? I have.

Two weeks ago I had the need to the see the specialist who treated me in 2005. The person in charge of appointments told me that my doctor could see me in the early part of January 2008. What?

I should mention that my doctor is one of the physician associates in this LLC. I figured that one of the other physicians could see me before January. I brought this to the attention of the "person in control" and she replied that they don't swap patients.

I am not a doctor. But I have been in business before. I can say that most professionals who give appointments are lousy businessmen. You can't expect a patient to wait 4-5 months for a consultation. I figure that they have become victims of their own success. That's not the way to run a business, or is it?

January, come on down. Please, pretty please.

Random acts of kindness

2007-09-05T16:39:00.000-04:00

I always wonder if people are nice to me because that's the way they are or is it because I present myself with a positive and friendly attitude.

I frequent a small restaurant near my home on a daily basis. It never fails that people already there greet me with affection and a string of hellos, good morning, how are you and so forth. When I run out of coffee one of the customers will call the waitress and ask her to refill my cup. Sometimes she forgets ketchup for my fries and someone will get up and get a bottle for me. Is this great or what?

I see a gentleman from time to time with a tiny rose next to his plate. When he gets up to pay his bill, he will give this beautiful little flower to the lady cook or sometimes to his waitress. The first time I saw the rose next to his plate I couldn't understand the meaning of that. Now, I know. He is kind to the people taking care of him.

It might also be that people living in the south are more relaxed and friendly. I didn't experience that when I lived in the Chicago area. Sorry, just my personal opinion.

When a person is kind to another, how many people get affected by the random act of kindness? If you say two, you are missing the third one. Let's say you see a lady with groceries trying to open the door and you volunteer to open it. Well, she is very appreciative of that and you feel good by helping her. But here comes the third person - the observer, that person who witnessed the event and also feels good without doing anything, except seeing the random act of kindness.

So why don't you be nice to someone and share your act of kindness with two other people? Who knows, someday you might be interested in politics and two other people will remember you.

Do you want to be a Millionaire? Why?

2007-09-02T13:02:00.000-04:00

I just finished reading a book entitled "The 4-Hour Workweek" by Timothy Ferriss. And guess what, he is telling his personal philosophy about why being a millionaire is not it, but rather experiencing what a a million dollars can provide. Well, I know that, unfortunately for me, he discovered this concept much sooner than I did.

The great majority of people follow the trend of working very hard all their lives hoping to retire when they grow old and then enjoy life. Wrong! Life should be enjoyed now and not when we become old and ridden with all kinds of maladies. In addition to these problems, we face the possibility of not having enough wealth to enjoy the expected happiness at the end of our lives.

Some enlightened entrepreneurs have discovered a new way to live like millionaires without having the million dollars. You might say: Are you sure you took your medication this morning? Yes, I did. What I am saying is that it is possible to do it. But not the traditional way, where you work 40+ hours a week for ever until you retire to "enjoy the fruits of your labor".

You can't enjoy life if you are tied to your desk. You need two things: Time and mobility. When you have these two elements you have achieved the main ingredients to experience life as a millionaire, without the millions.

So, who are these people? The employee who negotiates with his employer to do the work outside of premises and achieve the same results or close to it in one tenth of the time. You don't believe me? Talk to some folks at IBM, I know two for sure. When you have time and mobility, then you can ski, fly, volunteer, and the list goes on.

The owner of a business who gets rid of the unprofitable and problematic client and focus on providing the best possible service to the client who brings the bacon over and over. Outsourcing the business operation (hiring other people on contract only), this way she can travel whenever she pleases and runs her business remotely on a website to showcase her beautiful landscape designs.

I always promoted the concept of having "Pillars of wealth". This concept depends on several streams of passive income where your presence is not required. I have two already, looking for five more.

I know this might shock your brain a little. But believe me, you can destroy the shackles holding you tied to the old ideas. Enjoy life now!

Are Green Herons really green?

2007-08-26T12:30:00.000-04:00

I tutor a friend of mine who owns and operates a professional landscaping company, she designs landscapes with beautiful trees and pavers. The name of her company is Green Heron and does business in the south west Raleigh area.

Actually this writing has nothing to do with Green Herons. It's about how easy it is to focus on something and miss the complete picture. In the process of our weekly tutoring she was telling me about the company's name - Green Heron. My mind was trying to see a GREEN HERON with no success. See, Green Herons are not really green.

What I am trying to say is that sometimes we focus on the unimportant. We miss the greatness that is in the outside perimeter - the stuff that really matters. I am guilty of doing that. I have a teenager who is going through the growing pains of becoming a young adult. Lately I look for all the things that are negative in nature and fail to recognize all the great attributes that he possesses.

We have the tendency to critique our love ones, our friends and colleagues. How about looking for the greatness in them? I never understand how a parent never said "I love you" to his or her child.

Next time you run into a person, instead of looking for the green feathers, why don't you see the beautiful black cap, blue-gray back and wings, chestnut neck and white stripe down center of neck?

Do you cry on your birthday? Not me.

2007-08-18T22:46:00.000-04:00

Some of my friends tell me that on their birthday they feel older and depressed. I used to feel that way - not anymore. And why is that? Well, I think that as I grow older my time allocated on this planet is diminished and I realized that my mortality is closer that the year before. As someone said: You never know when the banana peel will find itself under your feet and there you go.

But there is another reason. I used to think that having one wonderful friend was enough. After all, you can count on him whenever there is a small crisis or simply having lunch every week and have a meaningful conversation trying to fix the world's problems. Believe me, I am grateful that I have this friend.

But this birthday has been different. I was happy and not depressed. And why is that? I think I have the answer. I have renewed friendships with people who care and appreciate my persona. New people have appeared wanting to be part of my circle of friends. I am fortunate that these folks have offered me their love and affection.

This week has been outstanding, on Wednesday my friend Hilton took me out for lunch, on Thursday my friend Adam took me out for lunch, on Friday my friend Wendy and I had lunch and talked about all and nothing. Sorry Karen, your day is coming.

But Saturday blew my away. Have you ever been surprised on your birthday? I don't recall that this ever happened to me. I had the opportunity to experience an explosion of great feelings when my wife and four wonderful friends decided to surprise me with the best memory for the future. Blondine, Patrick, Chris and Mirna were the ones assisting my wife on this deceptive undercover operation.

Blondine and Patrick invited us to have dinner at their house. This was supposed to take place on Saturday at six-thirty or so. When my wife and I were ready to leave the house, she said: I just remembered that we need vanilla ice cream, so go to the nearest store and get some. I couldn't understand why she waited until the last minute for that. So I got in my car and left for the store and as I got closer to the store it dawn on me that it was located in the same direction as our friends' house. This didn't make sense to me. Got the ice cream and headed back to my house.

As I approached the driveway I noticed a car parked next to my son's van. I figured that someone came to visit him. I opened the garage and there was another vehicle inside, this really confused me. I got in and all of sudden, camera flash and people laughing and screaming: Happy birthday. Well, this really was the surprise of my life, something that was embarrassing and wonderful at the same time.

During the dinner we laughed so hard that it hurt. As usual my friend Chris contributed some of the laughing material. I can say that this birthday was unique. But guess what, I have decided that I don't have to wait a year to have more pleasant surprises.

So here is my advice, round up a bunch of friends and surprise someone.

Something happened on the way to the Forum.

2007-08-12T13:40:00.000-04:00

Maybe it is me, but sometimes I change horses in the middle of the stream -- I can't help it, I love metaphors. What I am trying to say is that sometimes I think that at the moment whatever I am doing seems like the greatest idea and then something else catches my attention. OK, maybe I have ADD. But rather than looking at this as a problem, I look at it as a wonderful opportunity to go on a different direction. So I have decided to write about life events, especially those aggravating me and those events causing a renewal of faith in the human race.

I am a person who loves to observe the human behavior and out of this I learn that WE human beings have a few character flaws. I am not free of them, but I am working toward elimination of these bad traits. It drives me bunkers when someone says to me: Let me call you back, something came up. Guess what, no call back. To me, that sounds like lack of character. If you say you will, do it. If you don't mean to do it, just say, I am sorry I need to take care of something else. No promises. I guess some of us have trouble saying NO or not having the courage to terminate a conversation or a bad relationship.

You might say that this is no big deal. Guess what Einstein -- your actions have defined your character. The dictionary gives the following definition for Character: The combination of qualities or features that distinguishes one person, group, or one thing from another.

An old sage gave me the simplest definition. CHARACTER: To do today what you promised yesterday. Ask your friends how they see you. Are you the person who delivers? Or are you someone they can't trust?

It feels good when you help someone who doesn't speak English.

2007-08-11T15:02:00.000-04:00

I mentor a friend who has a business and has a great need to communicate with her employees and other associates. Most of them speak Spanish. She told me today the story about two ladies who got involved in a car collision. She happened to be a witness and decided to help them since one of them spoke Spanish only.

When the police officers arrived, they recruited her to become the "official translator". My friend offered compassion and instructions to the lady who didn't speak English and waited for her until the ambulance transported her to the nearest hospital. I told her that not too long ago I had the opportunity to help someone who got hurt and I was asked to call 911 and request emergency services for the person who couldn't speak English well enough to have a clear communication.

My friend and I agreed that being able to help someone in need provides a great deal of satisfaction. This is not limited to languages, it could be that someone needs CPR or simple instructions to find a unfamiliar place.

Do you have any stories about your helping someone in the past?

Do we understand what the other person is saying?

2007-08-04T12:26:00.000-04:00

No, I am not talking about speaking in tongues. I am talking about using the English language. You would be surprised how many times I get in trouble with the person who shares my space. She is trying to tell me something and I assume that I understand what she is saying.

Guess what? What we have here is "failure to communicate". Not because we don't speak the same language---it's because we fail to verify that what we say is understood by the other person. A simple "Do you mean to say what I think you said?" would be the answer to this mistake.

Sometimes we are arrogant in believing that we know what the other person says or wants. The ability to understand people and their wants is a wonderful skill to have. The great negotiators are the ones who take the time to understand the needs of the person across the table.

So, the next time someone says to you: Do you love me? Take a couple of seconds and reply: What do you mean to say? You might be surprised about the answer you will hear.

Learning languages should be fun, not a chore.

2007-07-18T17:25:00.000-04:00

Today someone asked me how long would it take to learn the Spanish language. WOW! This takes the fun out of it. My response was: I don't know. I speak the language fluently and can't say that I know it all. Everyday is a new discovery, new words, new expressions.

Conversational anything is for communication, for fun, for understanding. If you are planning to get a college degree because you intend to teach, write books, being a writer for a newspaper where accuracy and command of the language is very important, then, you have a horse of a different color.

I am an advocate of learning a language the easy way, then if you are really serious and have the commitment for a long term learning, go for it.

In the meantime, learn 365 sentences and travel, have fun, get dates, ask for directions, well, you get the idea. My questions is: When are you going to start?

Remember Robin Williams as Mork?

2007-07-15T11:29:00.000-04:00

Last Friday evening I was invited by some very good friends to have dinner with them. For some personal reasons I declined to attend. Then, one of my dear friends called to ask me to reconsider. After listening to my personal reasons, she indicated to me that I should attend the dinner. That it would be fun and I would forget my problems at least for some time. She was right.

The host, a good friend and comedian in disguise took over the entertainment for the dinner by bringing back the character from Mork and Mindy, a TV show which became famous from 1978 until 1982. Robin Williams played the alien who came to Earth in a giant egg from the planet Ork.

You might say: what does that have to do with languages? Well, if you remember, Mork used to say: Na-Nu Na-Nu as a form of greeting. My friend decided to make us laugh with his interpretation of Mork and his famous greeting. That was really funny and we had a great time. It's amazing that sometimes we laugh so hard for the most ridiculous reasons.

The idea of an alien visiting us and speaking another language is out of character. But, think about it, hasn't that already taken place? They don't say Na-Nu Na-Nu, instead they say Hola, Oi, Salut and many other forms of salutation.

The question is, are we ready to say Welcome in their own language?

Did you know that you already speak some Spanish?

2007-07-12T21:07:00.002-04:00

If you can say taco, muchacho, fiesta, cinco de mayo, corona, hasta la vista baby---you are already in your way to master the language.

Ah, but it takes more than that. What about a sentence a day?

English: Hello
French: Salut
Italian: Ciao
Portuguese: Oi/olá
Spanish: Hola

English: What's your name?
French: Comment vous appelez-vous?
Italian: Come si chiama?
Portuguese: Qual é seu nome?
Spanish: Cómo se llama? Cúal es su nombre?

If you keep up with learning short sentences, you will be able to ask for a date in no time.

Two magic words in every language

2007-07-10T20:58:00.000-04:00

I have noticed that when I use these two words people smile and go out of their way to help me. Simple little words, yet, very effective in the world of communication. It doesn't matter what country, the results are the same.

English:Please
French: S'il vous plaít
Italian: Per favore
Portuguese: Por favor
Spanish: Por favor

English: Thank you
French: Merci
Italian: Grazie
Portuguese: Obrigado/a
Spanish: Gracias

Did you buy 3x5 cards yet?

So you want to learn 5 languages?

2007-07-09T20:17:00.000-04:00

It's easier than you think. The first thing to do is to erase the message in your brain that isn't possible. Of course, trying to get the "learning curve" going is somewhat difficult, but not impossible. Remember what I said, learn little chunks of information every day and one day you will be able to have a basic conversation in five different languages.

I carry 3 x 5 cards with me all the time. One or two sentences at the time. I read them while I wait for the traffic to clear, when someone puts me on hold or any other situation where I have to wait. Don't get aggravated, learn something useful and fun.

So here is the first installment. I this time I can't give you the pronunciation, but this will come soon I hope.

English: My name is...
French: Je m'appelle
Italian: Mi chiamo
Portuguese: Meu nome é
Spanish: Mi nombre es/Me llamo

Next time you hear these words, they will make sense to you.

Have a great day.

The importance of knowing another language

2007-07-07T07:46:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I had the opportunity of being able to help a friend who got hurt badly. She doesn't speak English and didn't know what to do. She called me and we managed to communicate by using a language other than English. I placed a 911 call and the paramedics came to her rescue. It felt great to be able to help her---all possible by knowing her language.

It's not the first time that I have been able to help someone who doesn't speak English. Sometimes people get lost, need help to find the nearest restaurant or medical attention. I know that very well, I have been at the receiving end. I remember the first time that I got lost in a strange city and someone helped me by talking to me in my native language.

Learning another language is a personal satisfaction, it's not done for the benefit of others. Some people say: Let them learn my language, why should I learn theirs? Well, that's a narrow view. We grow when we learn. As I said before, the learning of a language doesn't have to be difficult. Learn what you need or like, then use it.

Why five?

2007-07-05T18:26:00.000-04:00

Why not. In some parts of the world speaking five languages is as natural as waking up in the morning. For some reason, or many reasons, that is not the case where I live. But that does not mean that it can't be.

Over the past several years I've spent a noticeable amount of time helping native English speakers try to learn at least a little bit of Spanish. But there's no reason to stop with Spanish. In Europe, for instance, someone who speaks Spanish can probably also communicate in Italian and maybe Portuguese as well. French is not out of the question and some bits of Romanian will at least sound familiar.

Fluency is not what matters about this kind of polylinguism -- what matters is being able to have a basic but effective conversation. No one here will ever advocate that everyone should have interpretive skills that could be used at the United Nations. It's more about how to order a meal, catch a bus or get a date in five different languages. Five is what I'm using here, but that is not a limit on you. I want to know about your multilingual experience, even if it's just your attempt and even if it's not a Romance language. After all, communication is the important thing.