Relationships are like music playing.

I have a musician friend with a 17 piece orchestra who play mostly jazz, big band sound and blues. All members of his band are music enthusiasts and play for the joy of playing what they like and brings joy to their heart.

About a year ago I went to the local library to pick up a book and as I exited the building I heard the unique big band sound. I retraced my steps and asked the employee manning the desk of the cultural center what that was all about and she said: Route 55 is rehearsing tonight as they always do on Monday nights. I should mention that the library and the cultural center of this progressive town are enclosed in the same building, very smart, don't you think?

I went to the area where they were playing and asked the director if I could watch them play. He was very gracious and invited me to sit down and listen to their practice. Ever since that time I became the 18th member of the band, they adopted me and I became their most enthusiastic supporter. I usually come to see them play almost every Monday night.

I should tell you that I don't play an instrument or read music, but I compensate that with a passion for the kind of music they play. The other night as I was listening I started to pay attention to the musical notes written on their sheet and I got the idea that music playing is very much like relationships.

Before they play a tune they have a written agreement of how this is going to sound, where to begin and stop, -the intervals between notes-, and when mistakes are made the director intervenes and gives direction to the players without emotional conflict. They enjoy the process and are totally committed to the final outcome.

I said that relationships are like music playing, what I should have said that relationships should be like music playing. Unfortunately, some relationships do not have an agreement on how the score should be played, how to play in harmony and respect for the other member of the band, how to resolve differences about how they play their tune. Above all, are the members playing with the intensity and passion that is required to play this song? Are they serious about the commitment to finish the playing?.

Maybe I got all wrong, but I think that sometimes we start playing the music without a written score, so we lack the necessary agreements on how to deal with the little mistakes that happen while playing the music.

Do you have an agreement on how you and the other members of the band are supposed to play the music and complete it to the very end?.