Relationships are like music playing.

I have a musician friend with a 17 piece orchestra who play mostly jazz, big band sound and blues. All members of his band are music enthusiasts and play for the joy of playing what they like and brings joy to their heart.

About a year ago I went to the local library to pick up a book and as I exited the building I heard the unique big band sound. I retraced my steps and asked the employee manning the desk of the cultural center what that was all about and she said: Route 55 is rehearsing tonight as they always do on Monday nights. I should mention that the library and the cultural center of this progressive town are enclosed in the same building, very smart, don't you think?

I went to the area where they were playing and asked the director if I could watch them play. He was very gracious and invited me to sit down and listen to their practice. Ever since that time I became the 18th member of the band, they adopted me and I became their most enthusiastic supporter. I usually come to see them play almost every Monday night.

I should tell you that I don't play an instrument or read music, but I compensate that with a passion for the kind of music they play. The other night as I was listening I started to pay attention to the musical notes written on their sheet and I got the idea that music playing is very much like relationships.

Before they play a tune they have a written agreement of how this is going to sound, where to begin and stop, -the intervals between notes-, and when mistakes are made the director intervenes and gives direction to the players without emotional conflict. They enjoy the process and are totally committed to the final outcome.

I said that relationships are like music playing, what I should have said that relationships should be like music playing. Unfortunately, some relationships do not have an agreement on how the score should be played, how to play in harmony and respect for the other member of the band, how to resolve differences about how they play their tune. Above all, are the members playing with the intensity and passion that is required to play this song? Are they serious about the commitment to finish the playing?.

Maybe I got all wrong, but I think that sometimes we start playing the music without a written score, so we lack the necessary agreements on how to deal with the little mistakes that happen while playing the music.

Do you have an agreement on how you and the other members of the band are supposed to play the music and complete it to the very end?.

PASSION, do you still feel it?

What is passion? The Dictionary gives us many definitions. For me, it is the excitement I feel when I am on track of the emotions connected with something I love, someone I am connected with, the dream I want to achieve, the one thing I want so bad that I start shaking when I think about it.

What does passion mean to you? Are you still passionate about something, someone, the dream you had, the company you wanted to start? Do you feel the same passion or has it changed? When did the music stop playing?

I see businesses spiraling down--where the owners and employees don't care about the customer anymore. I see couples who are still married, but the spark is not there, staying together because of the fear of ending something that used to be fun, of the financial loss, fear of leaving the little they have left. Partners who distance themselves and have lost the vision and passion for the entrepreneurial spirit.

If the passion is no longer there, what do we do? Hum, that's a tough one--because each case is different. I think that if the passion has diminished, we have two possible ways to repair the flame. One, facing the fact and do whatever is necessary to find the lost feeling about the relationship or partnership--to rekindle the fire. The other one, is to realize that you and your partner have grown so far apart that the best possible answer is to end it. Life is too short.

Some couples decide to stay together and live as friends, but no longer partners. Each one doing what they need to do and sometimes finding someone to create a new passion. Someone to provide what is missing in the partnership. I am not trying to be judgemental, been there, done that.

Can we find passion again? Absolutely, go deep inside of your soul and remember what you have forgotten. The one thing that got you excited day and night. Maybe it is time to go back and track down the boy or girl who made shake all over. The one who used to complete your sentences--when time did not exist when you two were together.

Life is about choices. Are you up to it?

Our thinking creates our reality---how I fell in love with Chicago, again.

I was in the Chicago area sometime in June of this year, I decided that I wouldn't go back. Too many painful memories.

Saturday, August 15th was my birthday. I made up my mind to go back and celebrate it. But this time was different, I went back with a different mind set, a had a set of concrete plans. I had an assignment given to me by my spiritual partner and mentor. She said: I want you to go and come back with five new positive experiences or rediscovering old ones.

This is what experienced: I saw a friend from NC playing with his old band in Chicago, that was different. I had my son and his best friend with me. We had a great time and drank lots of beer, what am I saying, I don't even like beer.

I watched the water and air show from my nephew's yacht parked right on from of the magnificent Chicago skyline. We reconnected with old friends, way back then, when I first arrived in Chicago. I met new ones. Terry and Don, were gracious to share their lives with me and we discovered that we are like-minded individuals believing in the power of our minds and how to use it.

I went back to the Planetarium and Shedd aquarium, nothing new, except that I saw them with a new sense of gratitude, being there, talking to a great friend (cel phone) and watching the skyline from a different angle was overwhelming.

While I was at the Planetarium I met a young man (Chris) who shared with me in a brief moment his sadness about his father and a desire to grow spiritually and change his environment. All that happened in a brief moment, because when the student is ready the teacher will appear.

There were others along the path who impacted my life: There was Chris--the thirteen year old boy, who speaks with the maturity of a thirty year old man. We spent two hours in the plane to Chicago talking about life, his vision and the tenacity to make it happen. Thank you Chris.

There was Ralphie: The young entrepreneur who I met while waiting for his business to open to have my son's car detailed. We talked about life, how to turn around our lives by changing the way we think. He has a great future ahead of him.

On my way back, I met a bright, friendly young female executive who provided us with the opportunity to share our thoughts, dreams and the rare experience of sharing our lives with a total stranger, thank you Lisa.

I can say that my trip was magical, people showed up from nowhere to connect with me, the parking lot spaces were there when I needed them. My partner laughs at me when I say that, she forgets that when she is driving on the highway, she has a bodyguard of cars, making sure that her space is open and safe. The interesting fact about my going back to Chicago was that it was the same Chicago, what was different is the way I chose to see it, beautiful, vibrant, friendly people willing to interact with me and share their stories and their visions for the future.

Let me finish this rambling with a story I heard some time ago. "A stranger from a big city arrived at a small town and decided to talk to two old timers sitting in the front porch of the general store. He asked: Hey, old timer, are people friendly in this town? The old gentleman took a puff from his pipe and slowly answered him: The people from where you come from, are they friendly? The stranger, replied: NO, they are nasty and not friendly at all. The old timer said: Well, in that case I suggest that you go to the next town, because you are going to find out that the people here are the same as the ones you left behind."

How do you "see" the world? Is it friendly? Or do you see it as your enemy?

It is not what happens to us, but what we choose to do with it.

My life was changed for ever in December 2007. My partner of 22 years chose to end her life. We all know that eventually we will die and we expect it, not necessarily embracing the idea, but it is a fact. Suicide is a different experience.

My friends ask me what happened, I don't understand it myself. Sometimes we don't know what is happening in the mind of our closest friend and lover. The fact is that it happened. The impact of an event like that affects not only the family but friends and colleagues. Suicide brings many issues not usually encountered in normal death. There are some issues: guilt, anger, confusion, sense of abandonment, etc. and it takes time and acceptance to deal with them.

Some people (the ones left behind) never recover from a painful and shocking blow to the spirit. Others, try to deal with it in a passive way, hoping that time will take care of the pain.

For a while I lost myself in the process of understanding what and how it happened, trying to find answers. I became a zombie-like, not eating or even remembering where I had been in the last five minutes. Most well intended people say: I can imagine what you are going through. No can do, you can't imagine the personal loss and tremendous blow to another person. Only someone who has suffered a catastrophic loss can understand that.

I could have elected to be a victim for ever and be despondent or to choose to be the best I can be from now on. There are other people who depend on me, I need to be strong to take care of them. I chose to deal with the fact that she ended her life and I had nothing to do with it. I will never forget her, but I have to move on and choose to be happy.

Two things that helped me deal with the pain: the kindness of a few friends -true friends- the ones who stick with you through thick and thin; and practicing acts of gratitude for all the people and things showing up in my daily life. I also have become very much aware of the moment and being generous with everyone who I encounter every day. Sometimes a single hello or taking the time to listen to someone makes all the difference in their lives and mine. The more you give, the more will come back to you. The trick is to do it with total detachment and not expecting anything in return.

Taking personal responsibility for our own mess.

I talk to a lot people everyday and ask many questions about how they feel concerning the economic crisis affecting our country. This is what I hear: Life sucks, the government is corrupt, they don't care about us, life is not fair, and the list goes on.

So far I have not heard anyone saying: You know, we have to take some of the responsibility for this mess. I have been spending way beyond my revenues or resources, creating debt (the 800 pound gorilla sitting on your shoulders and causing a tremendous amount of fear and stress).

Marriages are breaking up due to the arguments caused by the lack of money to pay the bills. We have failed to save for a "rainy day" and now we blame anyone but ourselves. Of course, there are circumstances out of our control. So, let's stop worrying about things we can't change and concentrate on how we can get out of this crisis. The Chinese language has a symbol with dual meaning: one way spells crisis and the other one opportunity.

The way I see it, this is a wake-up call. We need to change our spending habits, we have become a nation of spenders with instant gratification. If the trinket doesn't love you back, don't buy it. If you already have it, sell it and save the money.

If unemployed, take advantage of this opportunity, go back to school and learn another skill, change careers, get another job in another industry, move to another city. When you are at the bottom of the pit, you have no place to go but up.

Surround yourself with people who see life as a painting canvass, creating their own destiny. Stay away from toxic people, even if they are relatives.

If you are employed and the money is not enough, you have two choices: Create more revenue, cut costs or do both. You can't print money. If you tell me that jobs are hard to find, then explain to me how immigrants have two and sometimes 3 jobs.

Start a think tank with other people to find out what people need and provide it. I always said that you can knock out the competition if: You provide 110 % service to your customer, love what your do, have fun doing it and expect a reasonable profit--because without a profit you can not stay in business. This you can apply to any business. Think out of the box-- something blue, something new. I have a friend who started a business cleaning windows and toilets for small commercial companies and he is doing rather well. He now has three employees. I forgot to tell you that he used to be a Project manager for a computer company.

Above all, be kind to yourself and others. You are not your job. Trust me, there is a way out. But we have to start with ourselves.