Are Green Herons really green?

I tutor a friend of mine who owns and operates a professional landscaping company, she designs landscapes with beautiful trees and pavers. The name of her company is Green Heron and does business in the south west Raleigh area.

Actually this writing has nothing to do with Green Herons. It's about how easy it is to focus on something and miss the complete picture. In the process of our weekly tutoring she was telling me about the company's name - Green Heron. My mind was trying to see a GREEN HERON with no success. See, Green Herons are not really green.

What I am trying to say is that sometimes we focus on the unimportant. We miss the greatness that is in the outside perimeter - the stuff that really matters. I am guilty of doing that. I have a teenager who is going through the growing pains of becoming a young adult. Lately I look for all the things that are negative in nature and fail to recognize all the great attributes that he possesses.

We have the tendency to critique our love ones, our friends and colleagues. How about looking for the greatness in them? I never understand how a parent never said "I love you" to his or her child.

Next time you run into a person, instead of looking for the green feathers, why don't you see the beautiful black cap, blue-gray back and wings, chestnut neck and white stripe down center of neck?

Do you cry on your birthday? Not me.

Some of my friends tell me that on their birthday they feel older and depressed. I used to feel that way - not anymore. And why is that? Well, I think that as I grow older my time allocated on this planet is diminished and I realized that my mortality is closer that the year before. As someone said: You never know when the banana peel will find itself under your feet and there you go.

But there is another reason. I used to think that having one wonderful friend was enough. After all, you can count on him whenever there is a small crisis or simply having lunch every week and have a meaningful conversation trying to fix the world's problems. Believe me, I am grateful that I have this friend.

But this birthday has been different. I was happy and not depressed. And why is that? I think I have the answer. I have renewed friendships with people who care and appreciate my persona. New people have appeared wanting to be part of my circle of friends. I am fortunate that these folks have offered me their love and affection.

This week has been outstanding, on Wednesday my friend Hilton took me out for lunch, on Thursday my friend Adam took me out for lunch, on Friday my friend Wendy and I had lunch and talked about all and nothing. Sorry Karen, your day is coming.

But Saturday blew my away. Have you ever been surprised on your birthday? I don't recall that this ever happened to me. I had the opportunity to experience an explosion of great feelings when my wife and four wonderful friends decided to surprise me with the best memory for the future. Blondine, Patrick, Chris and Mirna were the ones assisting my wife on this deceptive undercover operation.

Blondine and Patrick invited us to have dinner at their house. This was supposed to take place on Saturday at six-thirty or so. When my wife and I were ready to leave the house, she said: I just remembered that we need vanilla ice cream, so go to the nearest store and get some. I couldn't understand why she waited until the last minute for that. So I got in my car and left for the store and as I got closer to the store it dawn on me that it was located in the same direction as our friends' house. This didn't make sense to me. Got the ice cream and headed back to my house.

As I approached the driveway I noticed a car parked next to my son's van. I figured that someone came to visit him. I opened the garage and there was another vehicle inside, this really confused me. I got in and all of sudden, camera flash and people laughing and screaming: Happy birthday. Well, this really was the surprise of my life, something that was embarrassing and wonderful at the same time.

During the dinner we laughed so hard that it hurt. As usual my friend Chris contributed some of the laughing material. I can say that this birthday was unique. But guess what, I have decided that I don't have to wait a year to have more pleasant surprises.

So here is my advice, round up a bunch of friends and surprise someone.

Something happened on the way to the Forum.

Maybe it is me, but sometimes I change horses in the middle of the stream -- I can't help it, I love metaphors. What I am trying to say is that sometimes I think that at the moment whatever I am doing seems like the greatest idea and then something else catches my attention. OK, maybe I have ADD. But rather than looking at this as a problem, I look at it as a wonderful opportunity to go on a different direction. So I have decided to write about life events, especially those aggravating me and those events causing a renewal of faith in the human race.

I am a person who loves to observe the human behavior and out of this I learn that WE human beings have a few character flaws. I am not free of them, but I am working toward elimination of these bad traits. It drives me bunkers when someone says to me: Let me call you back, something came up. Guess what, no call back. To me, that sounds like lack of character. If you say you will, do it. If you don't mean to do it, just say, I am sorry I need to take care of something else. No promises. I guess some of us have trouble saying NO or not having the courage to terminate a conversation or a bad relationship.

You might say that this is no big deal. Guess what Einstein -- your actions have defined your character. The dictionary gives the following definition for Character: The combination of qualities or features that distinguishes one person, group, or one thing from another.

An old sage gave me the simplest definition. CHARACTER: To do today what you promised yesterday. Ask your friends how they see you. Are you the person who delivers? Or are you someone they can't trust?

It feels good when you help someone who doesn't speak English.

I mentor a friend who has a business and has a great need to communicate with her employees and other associates. Most of them speak Spanish. She told me today the story about two ladies who got involved in a car collision. She happened to be a witness and decided to help them since one of them spoke Spanish only.

When the police officers arrived, they recruited her to become the "official translator". My friend offered compassion and instructions to the lady who didn't speak English and waited for her until the ambulance transported her to the nearest hospital. I told her that not too long ago I had the opportunity to help someone who got hurt and I was asked to call 911 and request emergency services for the person who couldn't speak English well enough to have a clear communication.

My friend and I agreed that being able to help someone in need provides a great deal of satisfaction. This is not limited to languages, it could be that someone needs CPR or simple instructions to find a unfamiliar place.

Do you have any stories about your helping someone in the past?

Do we understand what the other person is saying?

No, I am not talking about speaking in tongues. I am talking about using the English language. You would be surprised how many times I get in trouble with the person who shares my space. She is trying to tell me something and I assume that I understand what she is saying.

Guess what? What we have here is "failure to communicate". Not because we don't speak the same language---it's because we fail to verify that what we say is understood by the other person. A simple "Do you mean to say what I think you said?" would be the answer to this mistake.

Sometimes we are arrogant in believing that we know what the other person says or wants. The ability to understand people and their wants is a wonderful skill to have. The great negotiators are the ones who take the time to understand the needs of the person across the table.

So, the next time someone says to you: Do you love me? Take a couple of seconds and reply: What do you mean to say? You might be surprised about the answer you will hear.